It's
interesting to note that the Spinney is
now completely hidden, and now that it's only
about 5 ft high it looks like it was
designed for people who are height
challenged. It's also notable that it has
now been moved even closer to one of the
trees - not a good location or recommended
due to the possibility of bird poop landing
on any nice clean washing. So given that
it's unlikely to be used as a washing line
facility here are some suggested uses for
the future, please send in your own
recommendations:
During the
summer it could be used as a very private
sun bathing area - even nude sun bathing
would be possible,
there certainly wouldn't be much chance of
being overlooked. This might be useful for
one guy who takes his shirt
off at every opportunity when the sun
shines (you know who you are), it certainly would provide some
encouragement, entertainment
and excercise for some of the female residents
to take the air, although it's suspected
they wouldn't bother.
Put a couple
of benches in it and it could be used as an
outdoor space for meetings held by the
director and the committee rather than being
indoors all the time - after all they put it
up so should get some benefit from it and it
would be good for their health.
Maybe the
budget could be stretched to a naughty bench
where every time the director or committee
breach the Lease they could be made to spend
time shackled to the bench to ponder the
error of their ways - a rota could be made
available to all those residents who would
be willing to do the shackling - now don't
rush to have your name put on it, it looks
like there will be plenty of opportunity for
your turn on the duty rota if their present
performance is anything to go by.
Education is
always a popular choice, the space could be
used by the director and
committee so they could instruct each other into how
to be more effective in bullying and
intimidation tactics,
because to date their existing strategy just
isn't working.
*
Texting Code for Seniors
|
ADT |
At the Doctors |
IMHO |
Is my Hearing-Aid on? |
|
BFF |
Best Friend Fainted |
OOWP |
Out of Wet Wipes |
|
BTW |
Bring the Wheelchair |
GHA |
Got Heartburn Again |
|
LMI |
Lost my Internet |
FYP |
Found your Pills |
|
CBB |
Covered by Bupa |
WAY |
Who are you? |
|
CGU |
Can't get up |
FWIA |
Forgot where I am |
|
CUS |
See you soon |
DWI |
Driving while Incontinent |
|
ATC |
At the Chemists |
HA |
Hospital
Appointment |
|
FPS |
Foot Patrol Spotted
|
CMOM |
Committee Member
on the Move |
|
WWNO |
Walker Wheels Need Oil
|
GGLKI |
Gotta Go,
Laxative Kicking in!) |
|
TOT |
Texting on Toilet
|
BFF |
Best Friend's
Funeral |
|
HFOOB |
Help - Fallen out of Bed |
GGPBL |
Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery
Low! |
-*
The Illusive Agm Minutes.
The hunt for the illusive agm minutes begins
as over a week has passed with no sight of
them. Some residents ask ‘where
are they’, why haven’t we received them’,
‘we need them to refresh our memory’, what
is the outcome of ........’ , and of course
residents who couldn’t attend the meeting
itself may feel left out of things without
the minutes. Other comments are
simply too rude to mention.
Perhaps it’s a good thing that the minutes
haven’t surfaced yet as it may provide an
opportunity for it to become a bit of a
treasure hunt and provide activities for us
all – we could become like Meerkats and be
alert to every movement on the estate
hoping, wondering and experiencing
anticipation (probably a first for some of
us). Residents could be spotted
looking under hedges (this would be good
exercise for us all and should be
encouraged), peeking around walls (a great
way to test our distance eyesight), speaking
in hushed whispers asking their neighbours
‘have you had it’ (we sincerely hope folks
don’t take offence or misunderstand what
someone may be asking them). It is assumed
that these activities could be carried our
during daylight hours as skulking around
searching after dark could involve someone
calling the police (or heaven forbid get the
committee involved).
*
Teepees on the
lawn areas.
This suggestion was originally made prior to
permission being granted for the Backburners
to gather in the community room, however it
is such an interesting idea that it has been
decided to leave it here for your enjoyment.
These would certainly be a talking point
and would make an interesting feature, and
the teepees would appeal to our male
residents as well as it would bring back all
of those childhood memories of camping,
playing cowboys and Indians etc etc.
The only immediate problems envisaged would
be our ability to lower ourselves to ground
level and eventually sit cross legged once
we managed to get inside, this could result
in untold difficulties which could well
require medical assistance, and also perhaps
the services of the fire brigade to extract
us from within.
*
Foot Patrols
Foot
Patrols has been suggested for the common
areas such as landings, staircases, and
outside spaces. No specific duties
involved as their presence alone on the
estate should be enough to curtail unwanted
behaviour or activities. This role would
suit only a very select number of people, a
number of possible candidates immediately
spring to mind who it is felt would be
perfectly suited to the role given that they
have previously demonstrated the skills
required on numerous occasions in the past.
They would not require any training and
would surely carry out their duties
with gusto.
Qualifications are totally unimportant but
the successful applicants must be willing
to wear a uniform (this is essential). And
to be fair to the other residents it is
suggested that the uniform be made of a
bright coloured fluorescent material, pink
or yellow has been suggested, with a
matching hat similar to a top hat with the
words ‘Foot Patrol’ in large letters on it
so they could be spotted from a distance,
this would allow residents some time to take
cover or retreat into their homes if
necessary.
*
Massage Sessions
In the interest
of boosting the estate’s coffers a possible
suggestions might be for us ladies to offer
massage sessions to the residents for a
small fee (best point out here we're not
talking about full body massage, just above
the neck), originally this was intended for
the male members on the estate but this
would be sexist and not acceptable PC so all
residents have been included. Of course
there could be a problem should the
recipients want a more realistic experience
and actually want to lie down for the
duration, (taking ones clothes off is not
allowed as this would have the potential to
enflame the senses of the volunteers and
cause a riot), also they may have difficulty
climbing onto the table and it is suggested
they bring someone with them to help if need
be or alternatively bring along a step
ladder which they would use at their own
risk, as our volunteers are not in any fit
condition to assist.
Another drawback is we would really need to
apply for permission from the powers
that be who may not be in favour of allowing
this sort of activity, but it might be
possible to offer the male members an
incentive of a discount if they voted in our
favour, there again maybe not so don't hold
your breath. As for the female members
well your guess is as good as mine, perhaps
cream cakes for a week, a bottle of their
favourite tipple, or we could go to the
other end of the scale and suggest certain
services be made available, although we would
need to know their preferences to be able to
resource these. There has already been a
number of suggestions which it's best not to
mention.
It is imagined that there could be high
demand for these sessions if we could get
past the little inconveniences such as
permissions, health and safety issues.
Already some prospective volunteers may be
flexing their fingers in readiness for the
onslaught of prospective takers, but please
contain yourselves, it will be on a first
come first served basis jostling,
intimidation or bullying of your peers in an
effort to be first in line won’t be
appreciated and it could result in you being
sent to Coventry.
To enable potential volunteers to get into
tip top condition here are a number of
excercises to practice in readiness. And
remember, an added bonus to these, even if
it doesn’t get off the ground, is you will
be not only help your circulation, but you
will be strengthening your grip so you can
open jars and bottles that much easier,
especially those wine bottles with the screw
tops which are a nightmare to open – it’s a
win-win situation, so get practicing.
